the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
