areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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