i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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