He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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