My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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