Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
