y did u give ur computer a hand job?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
