a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
