turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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