I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
