Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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