Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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