I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
