I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
