When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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