This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
