I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
