Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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