Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
