I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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