had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
