apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
