Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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