suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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