I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
