so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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