I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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