We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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