The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Boobs speak an international language.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
