OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Randomize
