is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
