i just had sex bonerless
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
