Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think i got beer on your cat.
He has the fingertips of a God
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