my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Houston, we have a blender
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
