I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
