Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
