Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I look better un-naked...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
