haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
