she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
