Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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