Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
