It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
3pm strippers are depressing
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
