Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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