I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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