dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
