I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
