Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
