fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
