i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
