Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
