Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
