She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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