Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Randomize
